Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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