I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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