Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
