just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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