just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
