Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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