Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
