and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
