he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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