Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just had sex on a roof
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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