I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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