Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
