Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I got inside last night via doggy door
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
