If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
