Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
