so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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