I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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