I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
