Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
