giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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