Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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