You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
