So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
