I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
