I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
