he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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