Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
