I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
