So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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