It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
