DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
