You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
