what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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