My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
