i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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