I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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