ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
