just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
