My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My vagina is very pro this idea
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
