and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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