So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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