there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
