dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
