Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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