hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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