you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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