i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
