dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
