I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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