If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
