i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
