I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Randomize
