Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
