the new term for farting is butt boxing.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
