Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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