Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
