you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
