dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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