But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
