birth control should be required to get into college
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
