oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
