Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
