Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
