Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
