I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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