zippers are such a cool invention
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
