Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
