Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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