i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
