using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
