Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
