Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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