you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
